Expect the unexpected

I started my work week right. I did my usual routine: typing, puffing smoke, typing, taking lunch, typing, puffing smoke and typing. Before I knew it, it was already end of the shift.

Logged out, went down the building, walked towards the jeepney stop with my co-workers. While walking, our group noticed someone at a distance. Someone familiar. Someone we know from sometime.

It was that person again. It’s been almost a month now. And I still remember.

In retrospect, I shouldn’t have pointed at that person from afar to grab the attention of my companions. It was as if I am happy to see a long-lost loved one. Well, thinking back, I said to myself, “I shouldn’t have done that.”

We went to nearby shade to hide from the blistering heat of the sun kissing our exposed skin. Exchange of pleasantries followed. It was good to see that person again.

And I still don’t forget.

I lit up the stick of Marlboro I was holding as my co-workers chatted with her for a while. I barely looked. I didn’t even say a word.

After a while, it was time to go. Before my three companions and I walked towards the jeepney stop, we exchanged high-fives with that person. I was the third one.

Again, I barely looked. Again, just like before, it was a fist bump.

We went away walking. I did not look back. So much for drama.

My co-worker asked me, “Are you happy to see that person again?”

At some point, yeah, I did. But that unexpected meeting was of borrowed time. A one-minute time allotted for me to see a familiar face… someone I know from the past. 

I said in my last text post that I won’t be the same again after that person left. It was an epiphany of sorts. Indeed, after that one-minute, unexpected meeting at the crossroads, I am really not the same person again.

A hairstyling product

So last Friday shift was the last time I’ll be seeing her inside the office. I didn’t know what to react that time. It’s as if it’s nothing.

(In the office, if you file for resignation, you’ll be given a month from the date of approval of the resignation before you are let go.)

That was Friday. It all ended.

The exchange of buh-bye’s and take care’s were just ordinary. For me, personally, that was it. A fist bump.
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She was very fun to work with. Since we get to communicate inside the office using Y!M, we are able to sneak in a few laughs about a co-worker or just about everything. We do this at some point during the working hours, especially about one, two hours before we log out.

I remember sending her a gift before our Christmas break in the office. Three books. I turned them over to her just as we are about to go to our time cards and log out. She was surprised. A small bag containing Jerry Spinelli books. No gift wraps whatsoever. For some reason I did not bother removing the price tags of those books. She didn’t know what to say. She got home noticing that I sneaked a note in one of the books there. Well, that pretty sealed the deal. I was happy that I made her happy. That was it.

I came crashing to the ground days after. The fire was put out in an instant. At that point, I do not know if that fire will ever burn, let alone start burning again.

She doesn’t know it yet, but she’s my inspiration. I’m serious.

I work my ass off not only for the motivation of another payday. I work my ass off not only for the motivation of learning new things and rewarding myself at the end of the week. I work my ass off not only for the hopes of earning my savings. I work my ass off because she’s there.
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A fist bump later, and off she went treading her new path in her career.

My mind’s racing that time. Should I turn my head back and do something “crazy”?

Unfortunately, I did not turn my head. I let all what happened sink in to my consciousness.

I even thought of shedding a tear. But nothing happened.

Now, she’s gone. I don’t get to see her anymore. Her seriousness, her restricted giggles at funny things. Her approach to certain things. HER SMILE.

Somewhere along the way, I am hoping that I’ll be seeing her again. And yeah…

…I’ll miss her. Truly and deeply.

However… I’ll never be the same again.

I don’t always think too much…

But when I do, I put myself in a bad mood.

Happens all the time.

One-sided love really sucks.

Di na kailangang ipilit ang di naman dapat ipagpilitan.

Oo nga naman.

Bahala na.

Di ko alam.

Naguguluhan ako.

Di ko maintindihan ang nararamdaman ko.

Here I am falling. But I came crashing to the ground, hurt and in pain.

Siguro…

“Darating na lang ang pag-ibig kapag hindi ako hanap ng hanap at lingon ng lingon”.

Haayy.. :(

You are beautiful. And I love you.

:’(